Don't Quit on the Bad (Hard) Days

Well, the honeymoon is over at school.

Three weeks in and challenging behaviors are emerging. Conflicts between kids are rising. Difficulties are everywhere.

In a way, it's kind of a relief.

Let's just get on with the issues, so we can work on them and find a way through.

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On Thursday, we had one of our administrators come in and do a presentation on rules, rights, and regulations.  We go over rules and expectations the first week, but we mostly get the "deer in the headlights" look from the kids because they are just so overwhelmed  by everything.

So, the third week is about the right time to have an admin come in and go over it all again so it can really sink in.

The presentation went beautifully.  We had bilingual specialists there interpreting.  Kids were attentive and super engaged- answering and asking questions.  Being their lovely, charming selves.

"Just look at them", I thought to myself. "They are so adorable, so good."  I was really quite proud of them.

At the end of the presentation, we dismissed them.  We all agreed it had gone really smoothly and all the adults were thanked and congratulated on a job well done.

This was 2nd period.

I can't be sure but I'm pretty confident that they had a meeting between 2nd and 3rd period.

And, that the verdict was unanimous.  The decision?  They had been SO good 2nd period they would give us hell in every imaginable way the rest of the day.

Really, it was unbelievable how many problems we had the remaining five periods.

I heard myself saying things like:

"Did you learn NOTHING from the morning presentation???!!!!"

"Ugh, REALLY??!!  Didn't we just talk about THIS?!"

"Okay, THIS?! THIS is play fighting!  Which is NOT allowed!  REMEMBER??!!"

My teaching partner and I discussed the payback at the end of the day.  And, we laughed.With our heads in our hands.

Teaching, like life, is a series of ups and downs.  And, I've learned that over the years, that you should never draw too many conclusions or make any big decisions on really difficult days.

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Don't quit on the bad days.  

I heard this advice listening to my current favorite podcast this week:
Real Talk Radio with Nicole Antoinette

Nicole just completed a 460 mile solo backpacking trip on the Oregon section of the Pacific Crest Trail.

She said one piece of advice she got was to never quit on a bad day.  To not abandon your entire goal and hike because of one horrible day.

Nicole said that on one of her worst days she just sat down in the middle of the trail and started sobbing.  An older day-hiking couple came upon her and they were understandably concerned.

"Just go around me.  I'm fine.  Go around.  I'm okay," she sobbed.

Don't quit on the bad days.

Nicole didn't quit that day and she finished her hike, accomplishing an impressive goal.

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I have a dear friend from college who is also a teacher.  She lives in a state with deserts.  Many years ago, we were talking about bad and good days in teaching and how challenging it all is.

She told me that there is a big saguaro on the way into her neighborhood that she would pass on the way home from work every day.

If she had a good day, she would imagine the saguaro raising both its hands in the air as if to say, "Wow! Way to Go!  Touchdown!  Goal!  You did it!"

On the other hand, if she had a bad day, she would imagine the saguaro giving her the middle finger as if to say, "You suck!  Your day sucked!  Your job sucks! Your life sucks!"

This story really sent me into hysterical laughter.

And, I like to think that some days, she gave the finger right back to that saguaro and the bad day.

I don't have any saguaros where I live, but I sometimes visualize one, and even if it's the middle finger one it makes me laugh.  Don't we all sort of feel like flashing the middle finger at a bad day every now and then?

Don't quit on the bad days. 

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Years ago when I was first out of college I had a job working with homeless youth. I was part of opening a new drop-in center for them that provided food, resources, and someone to talk to, a respite from the streets.

I had an awesome boss at that job who is still a friend.  We had a lot of time to talk as we built that program.  I remember him being very philosophical about a lot of things.

One thing I remember clearly that we discussed after a really difficult day.  I was referring to it as a "bad" day.  And, he said that he had a conversation with his boss recently and she had challenged that notion of "bad."

She questioned him, "Was it necessarily a "bad" day or was it just a "hard" day?

Maybe if you can reframe a "bad" day and think of it as more of a day that was hard, difficult, and challenging, your perspective on the day will shift.

One thing I know for sure is that with some students it often takes a lot of challenging and difficult interactions with them before you get to the good days.

And, with teaching, it often takes a lot of horrible lessons and activities that bomb, before you find your groove and a class flows.

For whatever reason, I've tried to stop calling days "bad" and it makes me feel better.  If a day is bad, it sounds so negative, so final, so unworkable.

But if a day is "hard", I kind of feel a little stronger at the end of the day, even if I'm exhausted.  I didn't quit.  I persevered.  I got through something hard and difficult.

And, this is how we grow, by the way.  This is how we stretch and become better.

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Nicole eventually stopped crying and got up and kept hiking the PCT.

My teacher friend keeps driving by that saguaro.

My former boss and I both eventually left our jobs at the drop-in center for homeless youth.
But not on a hard day.  And, I know we're both proud of what we did to create and build that space for kids who really needed it.

And, I'll go back on Monday.  Ready for whatever the day brings.

Don't quit on the hard days.  

Speaking Up

Last year, one of the refugee families we work with was featured in one of our state's major newspapers.  I knew it was coming.  The kids had been late to school the previous day and had excitedly told us all about being interviewed and photographed for a news story.

That weekend I found the article on the front page.  It was really well-written and moving.  It outlined their comfortable middle-class life before their country went to war.  Then the reporter went on to describe the terror of their city and home being bombed and the family's brave but only possible decision to flee.  They left with almost nothing and walked a long way to get to safety, careful to walk only at night so they wouldn't be shot.

After a few years of limbo in another country, they were lucky enough to be able to come here to the U.S.  Their life here has been hard.  The dad walked miles to interview for a job.  It's been disorienting to get used to a new language and a new culture.  They have to be strong for their kids who were traumatized by their experiences. But, they are adapting and they are so grateful for this new life.

My heart swelled with admiration and love as I finished the article.  I looked at the lovely photos of the humble family and I felt satisfied that so many others would know their story as I knew it.  So, my senses momentarily left me as I scrolled down to the comments.

I forgot about the Internet trolls and the haters and the mean people.  I thought a story like this would be a breakthrough in how people viewed this group of refugees.   I felt so moved that I expected to see lovely supportive comments.

There were a few, but the majority were extremely ugly.  One even said that they looked like a bunch of terrorists.

I looked back at the photos of the family of seven huddled on a beat-up sofa in a run-down apartment. I looked at the adorable little children.  I burst into laughter at the notion that these people could be terrorists.

And, then I started to cry.  Hot, angry tears first.  How dare they!!  They didn't know this family like I did.

And, then the tears turned to tears of real sadness and hurt.  How could you not be moved by this story?  Where is the humanity?  Where is the kinship with our fellow human beings?

I thought briefly about answering every one of those mean-spirited trolls.  I would eviscerate them, humiliate them.  Or, I would appeal to heir humanity, their innate human goodness.

Suddenly I felt exhausted.  So exhausted by this battle that has always been a part of my work.  I closed the computer and went and got a hug from Mr. Husband.

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I didn't answer those comments in the newspaper that Sunday, but I have made Speaking Up on behalf of refugees and immigrants an integral part of my life's work.  

It's often awkward and uncomfortable, but I can't NOT do it anymore. 

Refugees, immigrants and Muslims are major issues of political contention these days in our country and in our world.  I am still shocked at the casual insults thrown around... about people.  Our fellow human beings.

I think part of the reason so many people are able to talk like this is that they are nameless and faceless to them.  Every time I hear a cruel comment about a Mexican or a Syrian or a Muslim, I want to ask the simple question, "Do you know any Mexicans or Syrians or Muslims?  Because  I do.  And, do you have a minute for me to tell you about these people?"

"It's hard to demonize people you know."  says, Father Greg Boyle.  Father Greg is one of my living heroes.  He works with the poor and the marginalized in the most challenged parts of Los Angeles.    He helps gang members find their way to a different kind of living.

So, now when I hear comments, I confront them.  I talk about my experience with refugees and immigrants.  I try to educate.  And, even though it's tempting, I try really hard not to be cruel or demeaning.  I try to follow Michelle Obama's advice when she says, "When they go low, we go high."

Sometimes the comments have a special hurt because they come in situations or from places or from people that I don't think have any business holding these hostilities

Like the people whose own ancestors were refugees and immigrants once in the U.S.  Hello, most everyone!!!

Like the weekly church goers who show up every Sunday yet say the meanest, most unkind things about their fellow human beings.

Or educators and school staff.  Yes, this happens.

I've heard things like this said about my students over the years:

-They are all so lazy.

-Why are they even in my class?

-I always get stuck with your kids.

It's not easy, but here is what I try to do.

I speak up.  I am trying so hard to be kind and calm these days in the face of these challenges.

 I speak up.  I try to have the most generous view I can of the person in front of me.  I think about how maybe they are just really uncomfortable or fearful.

I speak up.  Sometimes I ask gentle questions or give suggestions for working with newcomers to the country, ignoring the nastiness of the comment.

I speak up.  I talk about how amazing and strong the kids are.  I say they need time and patience to adjust.

I speak up.  One of the main reasons I write this blog is to tell the real stories of the refugees and immigrants I work with every day.

I speak up.

I think Father Greg has it so right when he talks about the notion of kinship.  When we think we are separate from other humans- this is when the problems begin. This is where humanity breaks down.

Father Greg explains the true meaning of  kinship here:

"No daylight to separate us.  Only kinship. Inching ourselves closer to creating a community of kinship such that God might recognize it. Soon we imagine, with God, this circle of compassion. Then we imagine no one standing outside of that circle, moving ourselves closer to the margins so that the margins themselves will be erased. We stand there with those whose dignity has been denied. We locate ourselves with the poor and the powerless and the voiceless. At the edges, we join the easily despised and the readily left out. We stand with the demonized so that the demonizing will stop. We situate ourselves right next to the disposable so that the day will come when we stop throwing people away.”

― Gregory J. Boyle, Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion

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I brought the newspaper article about our refugee family to class the next day.  We read parts of it to the class.

My teaching partner, a refugee once herself, told the kids how she understood their journey.  She started to cry.  I started to cry.  A lot of the kids started to cry.  There were hugs among the tears and pats on the back.

And, my outrage and depression from the previous day dissipated.  I looked at our beautiful children crying together and comforting each other, and my heart filled.

Kinship- We were living it in that moment.

Let's all speak up and remember the fundamental human truth that Mother Teresa reminded us of.

"We belong to each other."

My Best Back to School Advice for New and Old (I mean Experienced) Teachers

We're officially back to school.  We're doing our teacher week and the students will arrive on Tuesday.

It won't take long to remember how tough teaching can be.  No one goes into this profession for the money or the fame.  We become teachers because we love kids, our subject matter, and want to make a difference. Unfortunately, no college course or training can quite adequately prepare you for just how challenging your work will be in the classroom.  We all have to walk through the fire and find our way.

Teachers are always striving to be better. We read and take trainings on best practices in our field, classroom management, culturally-relevant teaching, mindset, mental health, and on and on.  We fret when lessons don't go well.  We experience heartache when students and families struggle.  We care immensely.

Sometimes we care so much that we get stuck.  We get overwhelmed by the needs and start to get pulled under.  At the end of the last school year, I was at the edge of burn out.  I was almost out of energy and not taking care of myself.  And, I wasn't at my best for myself, my colleagues, or my students.

This year, I resolve to keep on track to the best of my ability.  To stay strong physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  To forgive myself.  To know that I can't solve all the problems of my students and their families.  And yet to understand that I can still make a tremendous difference in their lives.

Join me in making this a remarkable teaching year.  Here is my 9 point listicle for a healthy and happy teaching life:


1.  Laugh hard and laugh frequently.

My teaching partner and I laugh a lot.  We laugh when things are funny and we laugh when things are ridiculously hard and stressful.  After three years together, we know each other well, and we know which buttons to push to make the other laugh.  Sometimes all it takes is a raised eyebrow to make us dissolve into laughter. Science tells us that laughter releases endorphins, the body's feel-good chemicals.  So, even if the problems are still there (and they probably will be), you will feel better. It's great medicine. It's free and it's always available for you to access.

2.  Reflect on one thing that went well in your teaching every day.
 
Even better, do it with a colleague.  Better yet,  write it down.  It's easy to get in the venting habit and the "what went wrong today" routine, and those things have their time and place.  But, I think focusing on what went well can cause a shift in mindset about teaching.  Your daily thing can be something huge, like a student having a major academic or behavior breakthrough.  Or it can be something small, like a student remembering to bring a pencil to class for the first time.  The important thing is that you take time to notice it and honor it.

3.  Decide to have a positive attitude and mindset.

You don't need to be a Pollyanna, but do be positive. Sometimes my teaching partner will chuckle as I'm spinning how some terrible situation could actually  be a positive.   Sometimes I challenge myself to see just how positively I can reorient an issue. It's a good mindset to have when you consider the alternative.  And, it's contagious.

4.  Share your insecurities about your teaching practice with someone you trust.  

Chances are the person you're sharing with will say something like, "Oh, me too.  I feel like that all the time."

"Me, too."  Some of the most powerful and compassionate words in the English language.

Everyone has insecurities and struggles in life and in their teaching practice. For the most part, we're all doing the best we can.  And, we're not robots.  We need to talk and connect over the difficult aspects of our profession.    And, then, after you commiserate, maybe you can move into some problem-solving.  

5.  Choose your battles.  

One of the biggest surprises I've had in my job as an English learner teacher is how much I've had to be an advocate for my students and even the necessity of my profession.  Turns out not everyone thinks what I'm doing is important or even understands the need.  

So, I've had my share of struggles because of those attitudes.  If you try to address everything, you'll exhaust yourself and annoy others.  So, there are issues I'm wiling to let go after I've professionally said my piece.  And, there are also issues that I'm willing to go all the way with, where I won't back down.  Mountains I'm willing to die on.  (well, not literally)  Think and reflect on what really matters when faced with thorny problems.  Weigh and consider carefully the importance.   Learn when to let go gracefully and when to stand firm.

6.  Choose your "extras" carefully.

You'll remember that Mr. Husband is a principal.  He talks to new teachers about thinking carefully about what  additional responsibilities they may take on at school, such as  coaching or  advising student groups.. He tells them to take on extras that they find  energizing and enriching.  It will still be work and it will be tiring,  but if they enjoy it, they'll get something out of it.  It might help them build better relationship with students and it should enhance their overall experience of their job.

 I think this same philosophy can apply to committees and and other extras we may volunteer for at school.  I used to volunteer for almost everything, and it eventually led to burn out.  I like to be generous with my time and talents, but I've learned that I need to carefully consider where to use my energy.  So, I try to just carefully choose a few extras that I'm really passionate about and where I can truly make a difference.

7.  Have relaxing and nourishing rituals with your colleagues.  

We still have this set of espresso cups in one of our classroom cabinets.  At one time, many years ago, my colleague and the teacher before me would take a break some days and have espresso. We've never done that, because we're so busy.  I look at those cups longingly when I open the cabinet. They look so elegant and they evoke the notion of relaxation and connection.

I've decided that the end of the day after the students leave would be a good time to get back to the espresso or the tea or whatever.  There's something really lovely about sitting down with your co-workers with a hot mug of something and chatting for ten minutes before moving on to the million things you need to get done.  These rituals are important and they'll likely make you feel relaxed and energized, and therefore more efficient and productive when you do get back to work.

8.  Figure  out what combination of practices keeps you healthy and happy.

You are not a robot. Teachers' days are very intense and we all need to find healthy ways to decompress at the end of the day.   You know best what works for you.    For me, I've made a commitment this summer to work on my health and I've found that I feel best  when I'm getting enough sleep, eating well, running, and maintaining a mindfulness and meditation practice.

9.  Do the best you can.  Then, go home.

That is the exact advice one of our incredible volunteers gave me one day.  I was walking out with him and it had been a really rough morning..  I was telling him all the hard things and expressing my feeling of overwhelm and even despair.  He listened carefully, said a few kind things, and then wisely gave me that simple yet brilliant advice, "Do the best you can.  Then, go home."  I've never forgotten that advice. I add to it, "Rest. Renew.  Come back tomorrow ready to teach with an open heart." I repeat these words in my head, take a deep breath,  and just crack my heart open a little wider.

Building a Strengths-Based Model of Teaching and Learning for English Learners

Close your eyes.

Imagine a classroom and a school where we focused on the strengths of the English learners.  What if these students' cultures, languages, countries of origins, unique skills, and life experiences were held up as assets?

Let's decide this school year to focus more on these strengths and assets and the unique potential of our English learners.  What brilliance might be unleashed?  What confidence might be built?  What might non-EL students learn from the ELs?

This would be a change in the way we view our English learners as well as a shift in how we view the very nature of teaching. The basis of teaching is to teach students what they don't know.  We're trained to look for gaps in knowledge.   We're the teachers, the experts, the givers of information.

At the beginning of the school year, most teachers will be asked to look at data from state tests.  Tests that focus on who is proficient and who is not proficient.  We will identify gaps and deficiencies.  Of course, this analysis has its place, and we need to know where students are struggling.  However, we can also stimulate growth by capitalizing on existing strengths.

Here are some suggestions for making this shift in how we work with our English learners this year.

1.  First and foremost, make it clear that your students' first languages and cultures are a tremendous strength and asset.

These students are the newest bilingual or multilingual members of our community.  They are also learning to be bicultural or multicultural, figuring out how to navigate the tricky ins and outs of living in a diverse society.   Our country will continue to become more diverse and knowing more than one language and being able to navigate multiple cultures will be highly prized skills in our community.   Make sure you explicitly share this information with parents as well.  They need to know that their culture and language needs to be preserved and it will only strengthen their child's future.

2.  Uncover students' unique strengths and fonts of knowledge.   

Some strengths will be easy to see, like how expert they are at playing soccer or the great artistic talent some students possess.    

Some might be a little more difficult to uncover.  Make it your job to find the hidden gems that each student has. Sometimes you discover these assets through conversation and questioning, and sometimes you might stumble upon them.  By observing carefully, here are a few things I found in my students:

•  Our art teacher decided to do a sewing project one week. I walked into the room and the African boys were already amazingly adept with that needle and thread. There they were, heads bent over in concentration, sewing like nobody's business.  It was amazing.
• On one of our field trips we took the class ice skating; most had never done this before. The handful who already knew how to skate took off and skated together, expect our Japanese student who already knew how to skate.   I noticed that one by one and with great patience, kindness, and encouragement, she was teaching all the other girls how to ice skate. They trusted her and took risks they may not have taken with their teachers. This kind of interaction among students is something teachers love seeing. This student told us later in the year that she wants to be a teacher. 

3.  Once you've discovered some of their brilliance, make sure you tell them what you see.

Be specific in your praise.  Acknowledge students' strengths in front of the whole class and have conversations with kids privately.

We had to rely on one student sometimes for interpreting when students had conflicts and a bilingual specialist wasn't available.  He was a refugee from Africa, already fairly proficient in oral English and also spoke the two most dominant languages in the classroom. The unexpected joy was realizing that he was also a natural peacemaker with a very keen sensibility for justice and fairness, also possessing a charming sense of humor and sweetness that would make kids laugh and get over things quickly.

My teaching partner and I made sure to tell him that he had something special- the three languages, of course, but even more than that, his natural diplomacy skills.  I told him he was going to do something great in his life – be a diplomat or a community organizer. He'd always say, "Thank you, Miss,” while looking slightly embarrassed, yet with a huge smile spread from ear to ear.  

Then he told us one day that he wants to be a police officer.   I can just imagine the impact he could make, a black police officer who speaks three languages, understands many cultures, and is a natural peacemaker.  We should do everything we can to build on this young man's strengths and help him reach his full potential. 

4.  Teach your students to validate each other.

One year we did an activity every Friday called "Fill the Bucket", which comes from a popular children's book, Have You Filled a Bucket Today?  A Guide to Daily Happiness for Kids by Carol McCloud.   We drew a different name each week and focused on that person, or if a student was moving, going back to their country, or exiting our program, we would choose them for the activity. The student would sit in the teacher chair at the front of the class and receive praise and compliments from their classmates.  We encouraged the kids to be as specific with their praise as possible.

One Friday, it was a particular student's turn.  He was from Saudi Arabia, and we were exiting him from the program because he was proficient enough to transition to mainstream classes in the school. When he sat in front of the class, every hand shot up.  

"You're a great friend."  "You helped me with my locker on the first day."  "You're always so nice to everyone."  "You make me laugh when I'm worried about things."

I watched this sweet boy absolutely dissolve into tears.  Nobody laughed at his crying.  It was incredibly moving and I wondered if he had ever been told how amazing he was.  We all need validation.

5.  Highlight and elevate the English learners in big and small ways in your classroom, in your school, in your community.

Work on integrating the ELs into the greater school community.  Have native English speakers help them with the language and academics, but then make sure the ELs have a chance to share their talents and knowledge as well.

We teach all of our kids to play chess and they get really good at it.  There are always a few who become especially skilled and competitive.  They go to tournaments and compete, including the state tournament.  We reached out to the local newspaper and made sure this great story was told to the community.

6.  Finally, never forget that refugees and immigrants are doing a tremendously difficult and challenging thing simply by trying to make their way in this country.

It takes courage and strength to move to a new country and adapt to a new culture, language, and way of life.  Most refugees have already endured unimaginable hardships and are forging ahead despite experiencing loss, grief, danger, and trauma.  There is a resilience in refugees and immigrants that is just unbelievable and which they will ultimately use to contribute to their new home and community.

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A few years ago, I was on an interview committee for the EL coordinator in our district.  The individual who eventually got the job kept talking about the very principles I have outlined in this article.  He believed that the English learners could be the stars of the school district. I had never heard anyone express this sentiment quite that passionately and forcefully, and I immediately knew that what he was saying held enormous value.  And, I believe in his vision, and it’s my vision too. 

When you point out kids' strengths and value to them and to others, they grow in confidence.  They know you see them.  You see the whole individual, not just an empty vessel that needs to be filled with your knowledge.  Not just a kid who doesn't know English.  But a human who already has many unique strengths and assets.  Your belief in their value and potential will help their confidence grow.  This confidence will enable them to build upon the skills they already have and to be brave enough to learn all the essential things they need to know in this country in order to succeed.

Now, open your eyes.

Decide your model of teaching and working with English Learners this year will be a strengths-based one.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by trying.

The brilliance and possibilities you uncover might just amaze you.

Knowing and Loving our Muslim Neighbors

One of the classes I loved and now remember best from my college days was about world religions. We read The World's Religions by Huston Smith. 

I was electrified by this book.  The diversity  of all the different faiths in the world was vast. Yet, there was a connectivity between them and a richness in each of them that I sensed, yet couldn't  articulate.  This class sparked a life-long interest in religion and spirituality that I haven't even begun to quench.  The more I learn, the more I realize how little I know.  

But, I do believe that when you look closely, you can see that there is more that unites all religions than separates them.  

I adore this quote by the Dalai Lama.  And, I do believe that kindness is the common thread coursing through all the religions of this world.  

Today's post is dedicated to the religion of Islam, because today is Eid al-Fitr, "an important religious holiday celebrated by Muslims worldwide that marks the end of Ramadan, the Islamic holy month of fasting".

According to the Pew Research Center, there were 1.6 billion Muslims world-wide in 2010-23% of the global population.  Islam is currently the fastest growing major religion in the world. 

In the United States, there are  1.8 million Muslim adults (and 2.75 million Muslims of all ages) in the country. This survey also found that a majority of U.S. Muslims (63%) are immigrants.

Most important to me, however, are my personal stats. The fact that there is a large number of Muslims in my community and the fact that the majority of the class I walk into every day is full of students who are Muslims. I also have several colleagues and now friends who are Muslims. This drives me to want to know more, to understand better. The more we know, the more we understand, the better we connect.

The first time I personally knew someone who was a practicing Muslim was when I taught ESL at a family literacy program. It was the year 2000 when Ramadan occurred around the same time as Christmas.

Many of the women in my class were fasting.  I noticed that  they seemed tired, but strangely peaceful and calm.    At first, I saw only deprivation and sacrifice, but then I saw something much bigger and expansive. One women in particular caught my attention-Zainab from Djibouti.  She was a lovely woman, but during this time, she seemed to posses an almost ethereal sense of cam.  She seemed to have a peacefulness , a sacrifice born of quiet strength, a real beauty.   I asked a lot of questions of my students during this first brush of mine with the Islamic faith and they generously told me about themselves and their religion.

"I want to know you" are some of the most powerful words you can say to someone.  My knowledge of Islam increased about a thimble-full that year.  I  listened and I learned. I still didn't know much about Islam but I was moving towards knowing more.  And,  every time we learn one small thing about each other, we grow closer.  The knowing allows our compassion to flourish,  our hearts to crack open a little more.

Fast forward to this year  of 2016.  I'm working with middle-school students, an age when many fast for the first time during Ramadan. My colleagues let me know that Ramadan will begin on June 5, so there will be one week of school left.  We make important accommodations,  like planning our huge picnic before this so everyone can enjoy the food.

Once again, my questions are cheerfully answered by my colleagues and the kids.  Some of my conversations would fit nicely into a book called "Islam or Ramadan for Dummies".  :)

Here's one such conversation with my teaching partner:  

So can you drink water during the day?
Yes, you could.
Oh, okay...
But then you wouldn't be fasting.
Okay, so you CAN'T drink water.
Well, you CAN but then it isn't fasting.

I laughed. She laughed.

If she wasn't such a lovely and generous soul, she would have said something like,  "Look, dummy, everyone has free will but fasting is fasting."

Anything that is really worth doing is going to cost you.  This is something I heard Martin Sheen (the actor and activist) say in an interview.  

Many of the kids are fasting during Ramadan for the first time in their lives. At first, it kind of worries me.  But, then I see that a lot of them have an excitement about it, a sense of joy, and I find it really moving.  One girl in particular, I really notice.   There's something sparkling about her- her eyes were shining when she told me she's fasting.  She said her dad told her she didn't have to do it.  She said she told him,  "I want to try."

I can see that it's hard for the kids and it truly moves me that these twelve and thirteen-year-olds have such devotion and faith, that they can do this.  I watch and observe them.  I ask how they're feeling.  

The same girl from above is really struggling on the first day and my partner asks her if she got up before the sun rose to eat.  She says no- that she was too tired.  My colleague strongly advises her to get up and eat with her parents, even if it's hard, because it will make the rest of the day easier.

Upon hearing this, I ask more of my  "Ramadan for Dummies" questions.   I'm assuming that  maybe people just roll over at 4:oo in the morning, have an energy bar with 500 calories, and go back to sleep. 

 NOOOOOOOO, counters my patient teacher.  The majority of people will get up at 3:00 and prepare and  have a proper feast.    Wow- just wow.  My admiration for the strength and devotion in the faith grows.

On that first day of Ramadan, two of our bilingual specialists come to help in the classroom. 

Happy Ramadan, I say to N.  How are you doing?  

I feel great, she tells me, and she looks great.  And happy.  And peaceful.  And, she's not a bit crabby or tired, and she's as lovely as ever when she interacts with me and the children.  

Happy Ramadan, I say to my other colleague.  How are you doing?  

He says,  I'm fine except the no coffee is killing me.  And, then he rubbed his forehead as if to indicate a caffeine-withdrawal headache.  

Being a person who is deadly serious about her coffee, I felt a wave of compassion rush over me.  After this wave passes,  I glance longingly at the thermos of coffee that holds the delicious french roast that I was planning to have while we work in math groups.  I quickly decide that would be cruel and inhuman to drink that, not only because of my colleague but because of all of my students. 

 So, for the last 4 days of the school year, I gave up my 10:30 coffee.  It was a no-brainer,  the least I could do, and really, really insignificant when compared to what my Muslim friends are doing.   But, if you really know me, then you know I have a serious relationship to coffee, so you WILL understand that this did cost me something.  :)  

I'm writing a lot about fasting, because to a non-Muslim it's the most visible part of Ramadan. But, I have learned that there is so much more to Ramadan than merely fasting.  Here is an excerpt about Ramadan from Gallaudet University:

During the entire month of Ramadan, Muslims fast every day from the crack of dawn to sunset. It is meant to be a time of spiritual discipline - of deep contemplation of one's relationship with God, extra prayer, increased charity and generosity, and intense study of the Quran. In simpler words, Ramadan is akin to pressing the spiritual "reset button."

But if that makes it sound super serious and boring, it's really not. It's a time of celebration and joy, to be spent with loved ones. At the end of Ramadan there is a big three-day celebration called Eid al-Fitr, or "the Festival of the Breaking of the Fast." It's kind of like the Muslim version of Christmas, in the sense that it's a religious holiday where everyone comes together for big meals with family and friends, exchanging presents, and generally having a lovely time.

Despite the hardship of fasting for a whole month, most Muslims (myself included) actually look forward to Ramadan and are a little sad when it's over. There's just something really special about knowing that over a billion of your fellow Muslims around the world are experiencing the same hunger pangs, dry mouth, and dizzy spells that you are, and that we're all in it together. The Arabic word for this community- be it on a global, national or local scale- is ummah.

In today's world, it is more important than ever that we know and love our Muslim neighbors.  We need to remember our common humanity and focus on what connects us more than what divides us. 

In an age, where a presidential nominee is calling for a blanket ban of all Muslims into our country, we must not let the actions of a few scare us into marginalizing a whole group of human beings.

In an age, where hate crimes against Muslims are on the rise in the U.S. and my state, we must be the ones who say:  No.  This is not acceptable.  These are my brothers and sisters.

In an age, where it may be tempting to harden our hearts out of fear, we must seek to understand. I am convinced that the more we know each other, the less fear we will have, the more understanding and compassion we will have.  

We really are all in this together.  

Let me end by quoting two different spiritual powerhouses- Father Greg Boyle, a Catholic Jesuit priest and Rumi, a 13th century Persian poet and Islamic scholar.

Father Greg Boyle, from his book Tattoos on the Heart:

Mother Teresa diagnosed the world's ills in this way: We've just "forgotten that we belong to each other". Kinship is when we refuse to let that happen. With kinship as the goal,  other essential things fall into place; without it no justice, no peace.  I suspect that were kinship our goal, we would no longer be promoting justice- we would be celebrating it.  

And, Rumi says:

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

On this day of Eid al fitr, my greatest wish for the non-Muslims of the world, is for us to tear down these barriers, these walls, and let understanding, knowledge, respect, and love come into our hearts. 

On that first day of Ramadan, I drank my 10:30 cup of coffee at 3:00 when all the students were gone and I was alone in my classroom.  I never told my colleague that I didn't drink coffee because of him.  I sipped my coffee, thought of him (still fasting for several more hours) and I felt a connection.  

A connection-a kinship- a lowering of barriers-the beginning of everything. 

_________________________________________________________

If you want to listen to a great collection of stories about Ramadan and the diversity of Muslim voices and experiences, I highly recommend this recent show from On Being.  

Revealing Ramadan

You get an A+!

Many years ago, I was in a job where the culture wasn't that great.  There was a lot of tension and pressure.  "Encouragement" came in the form of meetings where you were told how bad the students were failing and that it was pretty much your fault and you had to do better.  There was a hardness and a coldness to the message.  And....THIS DID NOT WORK FOR ME.

I am teacher who is never satisfied.  I am always trying to do better by my students.  I love learning about how I can relate better to them, what methods I can use to instruct them more effectively,  what activities might ignite their fire....  A good teacher is always learning and changing and growing in my opinion. You are never really done.

And, here's the thing- I am harder on myself than anybody else will ever be.  I challenge myself and criticize myself like nobody's business, I am well aware of the high stakes here.  I am  dealing with lives, human potential, and futures.  And, I know it's serious business.  I really get it with my whole heart and mind.

I don't want you to think I'm not okay with constructive criticism or being challenged.  I'm more than okay with it- I actually kind of like it.  But, I want it to be framed in the right way.  I want it to be framed with HOPE and INSPIRATION.

And, I also want to be acknowledged for the good work I am doing at times.  Everyone needs feedback. And, everyone needs validation.  Especially in the field of teaching, where there is a loud chorus of critics at times, we all need to be reminded that the work we are doing is important and valuable.

When I was in that negative culture many years ago, I decided that I would go on a one-woman crusade of making sure I told others they were  awesome when I saw them being awesome.  Let me be clear.  I am not talking about empty praise or causal compliments.  I'm talking about the real deal. Complimenting colleagues in a sincere and genuine way.

So, I started saying things to people when I noticed great work.  Or sometimes I sent an e-mail. Sometimes I even made sure their supervisors knew how incredible they were.

The campaign worked and it still works.  I try to keep following these principles.

So today I'll write about a few special people who graced my life this teaching year.  I think I already thanked them this year at some point and told them they made a difference to me.  But, just to make sure, here goes.   Since this blog is anonymous, they won't be named, but they know who they are.

The Boss

I have a  principal who has made it clear that he cares about the English learners in our building and follows through in his actions and his words.  I feel supported and valued and he inspires me to work even harder.

The Teacher-Leader

 You can always spot the teacher-leaders pretty easily in a group.  Others listen to them and respect them.  It's great when those teachers also happen to be smart, positive, and have a good sense of humor.

One such leader helped us see that our schedule needed fixing and then she made sure to follow up and ensure that it was fixed.  It might have seemed like a small gesture to her, but to me it was huge. She was willing to go to bat for us over what was the right thing to do, and that's a pretty remarkable thing in my mind.

Also, on the last day of school, I saw her hold her own in a political disagreement and that always impresses the hell out of me.  :)

The Heart

There's a lovely teacher who teaches the other English learners in the building and when we moved to this site two years ago, she was thrilled.  Some schools and teachers will look at our center as a drain on resources and with a deficit mind-set.  But not her.  Nope.  She told everyone that our group was the greatest thing since sliced bread and she paved the way for us.

She's a fierce advocate for all the English learners in the building and she's sensitive and she's all heart.  She tears up or cries easily and I really love that about her, being a fellow easy-crier myself.

She's often the first person who reads these posts because she's up as insanely early as I am and she's always generous with her comments and praise.

And, a week ago when I was stressed to the gills, we messaged on Facebook for a while in the morning and she helped me get out of my  pit.  So lovely.

Spanish Lady  (This is what some of the kids called her.)

We're always on the look-out for more help in our center because the needs are so great.  Really, we could have a one-on-one situation and still be busy.  Especially during math, where the needs and abilities are the biggest range I have ever seen in one classroom.  We have kids from refugees camps who need to learn the numbers in English, then counting, then adding.  And, we have kids from some countries who are far more advanced than the U.S. with math and need to take the highest math class in the building once they have enough English to handle it.

So, when the principal told me that the Spanish teacher was willing to spend some time with us during math class, I jumped at the offer.   She probably told me 50 times that her math wasn't that great, but she handled what she needed to do beautifully.

And, what I cared about more than her math skills was the fact that she connected to our students. She loved them; she enjoyed them; she "got" them.   So, when she would stride in every day, a small, compact, happy bundle of energy, the students and I were always grateful to see her.

The Lifeguard

When our girls were about to have their swimming unit in P.E. the teacher got a little nervous.  She knew that it would be the first time some of them would learn to swim and she needed to make sure everyone was safe.  (when you flee a war-torn country and then live in a refugee camp, there isn't time for lessons at the local YMCA. )

So, the instructional coach in the building was enlisted to help with supervision (a.k.a. "let's make sure no one drowns")  After she had been doing this for a little while, I asked her how it was going.  I mean, I was a little worried- this wasn't exactly in her job description.

But, when she responded to me, I knew she had fallen in love with these kids- something that often happens when you spend a little time with them and really see them for who they are.  She enjoyed them, got a kick out of them.

 And, they loved her.  Kids are expert at spotting realness.  They know right away if you like them.  And, they knew she was on their side.    For the rest of the year, one girl would always make a bee line for her if she saw her in the hallway and give her a big hug.

She spent more time with us- on field trips and got to know the kids better.  On our last trip, one of our students, sat with her on the bus and told her some hard truths about her life and journey as a refugee.

They don't tell their story to just anyone.  I know that.  She had earned the trust and affection.

The Partner and Best Friend

Finally, I could never write a post about colleagues who are special to me without writing about my main colleague.  I have told her that if she is ever thinking about leaving this job, to please give me advance notice, because I will be right out the door behind her.  I could probably write a book about all of her good and amazing qualities, but this post is already long so I'll try to be succinct.

She has one of the biggest hearts I've ever encountered and she will never give up on a kid, no matter how much they challenge her.  I watch her teach sometimes or interact with kids and I am just blown always by her strengths and talents.   She lifts me up when I need lifting up and she makes me laugh when I need a laugh  I have cried to her more time than I can count.  I like to think we take turns being strong and needing help so that it all balances out.

During the school year, we spend more time with each other than with our families, so thank God we enjoy being together. Often at the end of the day, we sit at her computer and answer e-mails together. Sometimes we vent.  Sometimes we say snarky, inappropriate things we want to write and laugh hysterically.  And, then we gather ourselves together, and write a professional response.

You know how you're supposed to give specific praise to kids and tell them what they're doing well? Not just say, "Good job, Johnny."  Well, that's great.  But, when kids are first learning English, you have to sometimes revert to "Good job." So they understand you.

She likes to tell kids "That's an A+."  They adore this.

So, to all the people I wrote about here today:  YOU GET AN A+!!!!!

Now, do one thing for me, and pass it on.  Tell someone this week how much they mean to you and how much they helped you this year.  I promise, you will feel amazing and they will feel amazing  It's a win-win!  You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Go ahead.  Lift each other up.

That One Student.....

"Frankly, there isn't anyone you couldn't learn to love once you've heard their story," said the lovely Fred Rogers.

Well said, Mr. Rogers.  I completely agree and would even take it a step further, and say that the more we know someone's story- the heartbreak, the highs, the lows, the triumphs, the good, the bad, the ugly, the more wholeheartedly we will love them.

I guess that's why I created this blog.  To write about my students and their stories.  In stories, we find connection and meaning and love.

I've been kind of restless and crabby all week.  Feeling sick, exhausted, and overwhelmed with everything I need to get done before the end of the school year in one week.  I literally lost my voice which is like a nail in the coffin for a teacher.  I'm in that uncomfortable place where I know the end is coming and there IS a light at the end of the tunnel, but I still can't see beyond the piles of work demanding to be done.

I just got back from a walk.  The sunshine and the movement helped burn off some of the stress.

And, thoughts of students kept coming to the surface.

And, I realized that more than anything, I'm stressed about saying good-bye to them.  We get so close to our students throughout the year.  They're with us all day and like it or not, we're like a family.And, so, I see now that my stress is more about the anxiety of saying good-bey and trusting that they'll be okay, than anything else.

I worry about them.  I fret about those students exiting from our program.  I hope we prepared them enough for the next stage.  I know I have to let go, but it's very difficult.

And, I worry the most that other teachers will miss the genius and specialness of them.  I want to make sure that they have people on their side, who see how remarkable they are, to help them uncover their potential.

Of course,  I care about them all, but there are a few students who have wormed their way really deeply into my heart.

I feel a a particular lump in my throat when I think of one such student.

She came to us late last spring so stayed with us this school year as well.  She knew very little English, but from the beginning she seemed to be trying hard to connect to us and communicate with us.  She would cut up these strange little shapes and then fold them into tiny squares and write "I love you" all over them.

At first, we were pretty worried about her- we knew her family had fled a war, lived as refugees in a kind of awful limbo in another country, and she likely had experienced trauma.  Once she started to settle in and the culture shock started to ebb, and she had a little more English, we started to see her true little self emerge.

She's everything I love in a teenage girl-feisty, outspoken, passionate, spunky, hard-working, resilient, sweet, kind-hearted, funny, and even sarcastic.

I've seen her sweep a whole chess game onto the floor in anger and collapse sobbing in a corner because it wasn't fair that she lost a game. And then I saw her play a game for over an hour with patience and determination and grace at the state chess tournament.  The only hijab in the entire room that I could see bent over in concentration.

And, I've seen her do cannonballs into the school swimming pool with such glee and joy, you wished you could bottle that kind of enthusiasm.  And, I saw her glow and sparkle and light up when I chaperoned the chess team to the state tournament and we stayed in a hotel.  Everything was amazing to her- all the pillows, the Disney movies she could watch on TV, the swimming pool, eating take out in the room, making waffles for breakfast.   And, she made me appreciate these things  that I so take for granted.

She's the Muslim girl, who came to us one morning in December and said with huge and glowing eyes, "Miss, I loooooove Christmas!  Lights. Pretty."

Her favorite word is "cute",  And, at least once a week she tells me, "You so cute today, Miss."

This week we went on our big end of year picnic and I got to watch her enjoy s'mores for the first time in her life.  And, her mother made delicate little pastries for her to give the teachers and my mom, dad, and sister who helped us out.

When I lost my voice she talked incessantly to me about how to cure it-- googling images for words she didn't know in English like ginger.

And, then of course, the next morning, she came to school with a little thermos of some healing concoction her mother made for me- honey, ginger, and who knows what else???  I drank it, of course.  It was soothing and full of  love and concern.  Just the idea that a busy mom of five who doesn't have much would take the time to make her child's teacher a drink for her throat, makes my heart clench.

Most moving of all, is that in the last few weeks she has talked more about the dark side of her journey than ever before to us.

Her father had allowed her to bring his iPhone on the trip to take pictures.  On the bus to and from our field trip, she was interviewing her cousin in English- asking simple questions like "What's your name?  How old are you?"  They thought they were really hilarious- just like most middle-school girls.

She came and wedged herself into my bus seat on the way back, and said, "Can you talk?" Remember, I lost my voice.  I couldn't really, but I did it anyway.  She asked me a series of questions and then ended with "I love you."  "I love you too,"  I said and gave her arm a squeeze.

We started talking about her country and how her family fled as their city was being bombed.

She talked about walking to another country and only walking at night so they wouldn't be shot.

Surreal words to hear from a teenage girl on a school bus after a picnic on a beautiful sunny day.

I told her the only things I really could, "I'm so sorry that happened to you and your family.  You're all very brave.  It's very good for you to talk about it- to get it out.  I'm so happy you're here now and that you're safe."

"Are you happy?," I asked her.

"Yes, Miss, so happy,"  she said and leaned back in her seat and ever so lightly against my shoulder.